I'm a Dopey Sentimental Bastard...

I just watched Love Actually and liked it. Ok, I liked it a lot. It was so sappy and cheesy that I was expecting to hate it. Man...I feel like taking the DVD, cracking it in half and gouging at all of my arteries. However, what I really want to do is rent a house in the south of France and fall in love with my Portuguese house-cleaner—filling me with the desire to learn her mother tongue so that I might go to her home and ask her father for her hand in marriage prompting him to take me to her workplace (while the whole of her community follows behind) and ask for her hand in Portuguese and she, in turn, will have learned English and we will kiss, awkwardly, in front of her father and her community. Everyone will clap—the end.