How Patrick beats up a cop…

I went to this club/bar/awesome-pizza-place (top four in the world, by the way) called Bar. I had to pay to get in, which is strange as I usually get in for free. I didn’t have a problem with the paying concept, but I had to wear a lime green wrist band, which, come to think of it, clashed with my shirt (Amber, here’s where you do your arm thing). I went inside, drank some beer, had some pizza, met some people (who asked the good old “are you Italian” question) and decided to leave.

As I was walking out, I started to fiddle with the lime green wrist band. It was about twenty feet from the point at which I started to fiddle to the front door. I became very involved in the process about two feet into my fiddling—I was lost to the world. It finally gave way when I decided to change my tearing technique, which was getting me results equal to none, to a hook and tug technique.

The hook and tug technique works as follows.

1. Place the hand not wearing a hard to remove wrist band directly in front of the area midway between your chest and navel.
2. Make a fist.
3. Extend your index finger and then bend it so that the tip is facing the ball of your fist, thusly forming a hook.
4. Wrap your “hooked” index finger around the wrist band and pull each arm in opposite directions, with all of your considerably impressive strength, until the band gives way.

I know what you’re thinking: “Wow. Patrick, you are a wrist-band-removing-guru.” Well, I would concede to that statement had I not belted a female-cop in the arm with my right fist as I was freed from the shackle of my oppression. She immediately grabbed her arm (a very cute arm, to match a very cute face) and said, “Owww.” She lingered on the “w” part of her “Owww,” and shot me a look that said, “Ef you.” I apologized profusely and walked away, feeling, as always, like a complete idiot.