Almost online dating dialog...

I was looking over some old files on my other, less used (by me) computer and found a letter meant for a very sweet looking girl who sent me an e-mail through True.com. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote the following letter--I am posting it here because self-deprecation seems to be my bag.

Hi [Name Omitted],

I'm Patrick, an ex-fine arts student and my circle of friends has dwindled to Gus, the slovenly forty-year-old bagger at my local supermarket, who nods his head at me in a commiseratory manner, as to say, "I, too, am..."

I don't look at him long enough to pick up he rest of his sentence.

I find myself wondering what your headline "lalalala...." sounded like subvocally as you typed it. Is it a monotonous "la-la-la-la," a bubble-gum-pop Ashlee Simpson, "La La," or a post-grunge-skate-punk Offspring, "la-La-LA?"

Ok, that's that.

You have a beautiful smile--I look, how shall I say...unfortunate when I smile in pictures--they only work, if ever, in real-life situations. But then, I can't see myself in said situations, so--I don't know about my smile.

I'm glad you didn't call my dedication to filmmaking a shameful waste of my best years. "Passionate" is a very optimistic observation. Thank you.

And about the "8'11" thing, I will have to be brutally honest--I will never date a nearly nine-foot tall woman. Sorry if that sounds harsh as "never" is a long time; but, honesty is my policy.

As you seem to be a woman with an acceptable height and with your self-professed "love with the obscure" as an added bonus (have you seen “That Obscure Object of Desire?”) I look forward to further line dropping. Does that sound dirty? Line dropping...hmmm, maybe. Let me say, then, "...Further occurrences of dialogical exchange."

Best,

Patrick

Done. How painful are the first and last sentences? My answer? Very.