Guttiwuts…

The Durango-95 purred away real horrorshow - a nice, warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts. Soon it was trees and dark, my brothers, with real country dark. We fillied around for a while with other travelers of the night, playing hogs of the road. Then we headed west, what we were after now was the old surprise visit, that was a real kick and good for laughs and lashing of the ultra-violent.

I was driving back home with Troy after an evening filled with sarcasm and intrigue at our weekly Open Mic Night. We took route 67 to New Milford. Every time I fly through country roads at night, with that “real country dark,” I feel like Alex behind the wheel of the Durango-95. Ready for “in-out, in-out,” and “lashing[s] of the ultra-violent."

Have I mentioned that I really like A Clockwork Orange?

Driving Home…

So I’m driving in the rain. Radiohead is playing. Cars are zipping past me. A creature, with something limp and pink in its mouth, rushes in front of my car, decides that it’s probably a bad place to be, and darts back towards the left of the road, from which it came, dropping the limp thing from its mouth.

This creature was one of two things:

1. A cougar, or other non-cat feline, with either a baby cougar, or other non-cat feline, or dead prey in it’s mouth.
2. A dog with either a puppy or dead prey in it’s mouth.

I certainly hope the limp thing wasn’t alive, because after the torrent of cars on my tail drove past the area on which it was dropped, I don’t think it would be any longer.

To fly, or not to fly...

This bird has flewed.

Red heart black…

A friend recently told me that I’m naïve. I don’t think I am--I’m hopeful.

I inherited my mother’s big heart. When I was in high school, my house was the place for broken people. My friends would come over and stay, sometimes for months, because they knew my mom would keep them safe. She’d make them feel safe.

I’m the same way. If I see anyone down and out, I want to help them. I don’t do it for approval or acceptance--I genuinely want to help.

I look at the world the same genuine way. I want to believe that people are good. I know what people are though, but I can still hope. When I meet someone for the first time, I look at them as if they’re my best friend. As time passes, they either stay that way, or don’t. This is why I’m not naïve. I’m only warm and open until someone gives me a reason to be otherwise.

When I was fresh out of high school, I was unstoppable. I was the most confident person I knew. I was smarter, sharper and more talented. Then, the world got to me. I was promised things by people close to me that never saw fruition. I became weary.

If I want to make it in this world, in any realm (film, romance, art, etc.) I have to be a wolf with a velvet tongue, sharp teeth, and a black heart. I’m fully capable of this--which scares me. I can lose control. I can become an animal. I can rip someone’s heart out without remorse. I can make my heart so hard and so heavy that I’d sink to the bottom of the ocean. I can fuck somebody with such fervor that I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve done all these things. I don’t like myself when I do them, but I seem to come out on top when I do.

My red heart is turning black, and I don’t think I have the energy to stop it.

I’m a prince…

I read this article and realized that I’m a prince. Damn, I hate being that guy. But, I could also be a prince in the Machiavellian sense--can’t I? Am I? The world may never know.

I feel like an idiot when…

I’m driving in the left lane on a two lane road and decide to turn into the right lane. I signal right, move into the right lane, and then, just around the bend notice that the lanes merge. I envision the person driving behind me saying, “What an idiot.”

I'm so tired...

I haven't slept a wink... as the song goes.

Well, I have slept a wink—about one hour. Let me explain. I went to Burger King to work on my screenplay. I bought a value meal and kept on refilling my cup with Coke. I took a brief break to throw some clothes in the wash, and then returned, bought another value meal, and kept on refilling my cup with Coke.

I had so many calories and so much caffeine that my body refused to sleep. I ended up falling asleep at six-something-a.m. My alarm went off at 7:20.

To my bed mate: I hope I didn't wake you up while I was tossing, turning, and fumbling to turn off my phone alarm.

Writing again…

I finally started a new script. “What about the other two,” you may ask (who am I fooling? Maybe two people know about my two scripts—just play along.) Well, I say, screw the other two scripts. I’m not in the editing mind set. Someone gave me a really simple solution, “Why not write a new one.” My mind was blown with its simplicity.

I’d wanted to work on a new script for a while but felt like I was abandoning my others. It feels good to work on something new.

I went to the mall to buy a new notebook. While I was there I tried on a bunch of clothes and came this (I’m holding my index finger and thumb 1/16’’ apart) close to buying them. I’ve learned my lesson--purchasing items will not permanently enhance my happiness (i.e. my iPod). So, even though I looked effing sexy, I put the clothes back, walked out and found CVS.

I picked out some paper/pens and went to pay for them. I met the most interesting person. I never got his name, but he was a small-framed teenager with round glasses and brown hair. His arms looked like vines. His fingers looked like twigs. He had the nails of Rasputin. He spoke softly, pulling his neck away from his body with every word. That’s all I can say about him. I wish I had the writing powers of Salman Rushdie to give you a more explicit description.

There was an attractive woman behind me. Her son had a man’s voice not matching his barely-to-my-knees height. I wanted to make a comment about it, but decided that it may damage the kid’s self image.

I went to McDonalds and wrote for a while. I went to the water fountain and wrote for a while, wishing I had a portable table. I found my way back to the food court and set myself up in the center of the action. There was an unbearable breeze and a very creepy go-teed man hovering near me. He followed me when I moved, so I grabbed my stuff and jetted.

I walked by a store and this very cute girl smiled at me, twice. I was halfway up the escalator before it registered--my smile was greeted with over oxygenated air.

The New Slang...

How retarded am I? I properly punctuate slang while aiming.

Example:

I get 'em occasionally.

So I'm Pretentious—Deal With It...

I don't know why, but people think I'm pretentious. I can't help it. I walk very upright—Is good posture such a bad thing? I think not. I wear a beard and rest black thick-framed glasses on my nose and ears. Is it my facial accessories? I think not.

I tend to look at people deeply. I can turn into myself and lose track of my surroundings. I tend to say the first thing that comes to my mind. I seem to end up the topic of discussion, even if I'm not the one initiating it. I'm tall, so I usually look down on people—it's a vertical thing, honestly. I have a “prominent' nose, which may seem to be sticking high up in the air; but again, it comes back to good posture.

The truth is, I'm a good person. If you can get past my initial pretentious demeanor, you will find a very loyal and trustworthy person. I would do anything for my friends. I would give anything to help them. Even my imagination.

And for the person who knows what I went through today: I want to believe her story. I really do. I hope it was all a mistake.

Same Old...

Top 25 Most Played Music on my Ipod (in order from greatest to least):

She Came In Through The Bathroom Window – The Beatles
I'm Looking Through You – The Beatles
While My Guitar Gently Weeps – The Beatles
Happiness Is A Warm Gun – The Beatles
I Want You (She's So Heavy) – The Beatles
Golden Slumbers – The Beatles
Little Acorns – The White Stripes
Hypnotise – The White Stripes
The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill – The Beatles
I'm So Tired – The Beatles
The Word – The Beatles
Martha My Dear – The Beatles
Girl – The Beatles
In My Life – The Beatles
Blackbird – The Beatles
Michelle – The Beatles
Wait – The Beatles
If I Needed Someone – The Beatles
Run For Your Life – The Beatles
Dear Prudence – The Beatles
Glass Onion – The Beatles
Wild Honey Pie – The Beatles
Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da – The Beatles
Piggies – The Beatles
Rocky Rackoon – The Beatles

I think I need to expand my musical horizons.

My new girlfriend...

My boss introduced me to this girl the other day. We hit it off. She has a great body with enviable breasts and washer-board-abs. She's colored, but I can get over that. Besides, she's very responsive to the liquid immersion that is my love.

I have a picture here.